A Wild Night

It started out cool

We said "hey we got this"

But we didn't know

Of the stop we would miss

We had a nice night

Vodka sodas and cider

Not anticipating

We'd have an all-nighter

Bacon wrapped dogs

Was our last deed to do

Before we caught BART

At 12:22

So happy we were

To be so time aware

So happy we were

That we were without care

Just chatting and bonding

Becoming good friends 

No thought crossed our brains

That we would reach the ends

3 stops too far

What the fuck!? How'd we fail?

And get so distracted

To end up off the rail?

In a sad lonely station

With no cabs to find

This has never happened

We're losing our minds!

We're essentially screwed

And we're on bus to bus 

But we can't give up hope

No we surely can't fuss!

Oh yes, we are angry

Oh yes we are cold

We are getting impatient

And we're growing old

But alas we arrived 

At our lovely warm car

And finally

We were really not far

Sure there were still potholes 

Sure jokes to be had

But now we knew things

Wouldn't always be bad

We had made it, hurray!

But we did still feel sour

And to top it off

We had lost one more hour.

So fuck you daylight savings

And taxis and BART

But thank goodness for friends

That will never depart ;)

Why you should never clean your windows...

I was just relaxing

Enjoying my reading

While a robin outside

Was flying and tweeting

The weather was warm

Everything was so swell

Until I heard a smack

Then things weren't so well

That bird hit the window

I saw feathers splatter

I was almost surprised

That the glass did not shatter

The poor wounded robin 

Lay gasping for air

So I rang the police

But they did not care

Then I called up a friend

And she calmly said "hey,

This happens a lot

The bird will be okay"

And sure enough 

It got up off the ground

For a second just stood there

Not moving around

It was kinda creepy

I'm not gonna lie 

But I no longer feared

That the robin would die

So I turned away 

It was time to move on

And when I looked back

My dear robin was gone.

*Inspired by real recent life events*

Lint

Where do you come from
Little belly button lint?
I find you all the time!
Can you please give me a hint?
Are you planted by small elves, 
Trying to make me cray?
Sending me a message
To shower everyday?
It's an unsolvable mystery
Unlike any other
It clogs my favorite body part
And certainly's a bother 
Please tell me why this happens 
I can't go on not knowing
Until then my belly button
Will look like it is snowing!

The Partial Package

Sometimes when they're cold

And sometimes when they're tired

Some boys will wear some sweatpants

When real pants are not required

They like the soft smooth cotton

And the stretchable elastic

It allows easy access

For their hands, and that's fantastic!

Now this can be a problem

Though they don't mean to divulge

But sometimes through their sweatpants

You can see a little bulge.

For some this happens rarely

For some it's all the time

And if it's out in public

It is indeed a crime!

Slobberific

Beads in my bed
And clothes on my floor
Boxes of garbage
Blocking up my door
Bowls of old food
Piled up on my dresser
Books off of shelves
I am sadly a messer

The messiest messer
The cluttery kind
All of my things
Take me so long to find

And it's not just my room
It spills into my car
The keys to which
I never know where they are

So chaotic you see
One might think I am crazy
But the mess, I confess
Is just cuz I'm so lazy :(

Raisin Hater

My sister is so strange
She likes the wines
That come from grapes
She likes the grapes
Straight from the vines
And she likes
Sunny days outside
But when the sun gets very hot
All of those grapeys get all dried
And there's a frown upon her face
Because there's raisins in the place
Of all the shiny yummy grapes
And she just hates
The way the raisins taste
The way they are not juicy
Or maybe its because
They're put inside those small red boxes
With the scary lady on them
Either way
It's safe to say
She's not a fan of raisins.

UPS man (in honor of Hunter)

dear sir
you are late
i do not
see you near
and you
have my bike
you have stole it
I fear
It is mine!
and i would
like to try
try to ride
try to glide
down the streets
very fast
with such pride
but you
stupid man
U Piece of Shit man
you are not
at my place
you will not
bring my bike
and for this
i dont like
your stupid mail face.