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(Dear readers...I know I wrote a poem already about coffee tasting like a horse...but this poem was inspired by a friend who sadly over-salted his vegetables and claimed they tasted like a petting zoo. So here is a poem in honor of his seasoning snafu.)
We like to cook our food
But cooking can be hard
We want to make it tasty
While avoiding too much lard
Measurements are tricky
"Is it a teaspoon, or a cup?"
So many things to think about
It's easy to screw up
You might burn the tofu
Which makes you want to curse
Or over-salt the vegetables
Which is by far the worst!
It makes them taste like llamas
And who wants to eat those?
Not a vegetarian
But then again, who knows?
Scary scary sand-witch
She is going to get you
She will rise up from her bed
Creep out
From in between the bread...
You'll smell her
Cuz her feet
Are made of deli meat,
That's strange indeed
But do not underestimate
Her speed
Don't think you can escape
Her pickled face
And lettuce hair
She will find you anywhere
And she will shoot
Tomatoes
From 
her nose
And ooze cheese
From her knees
And you'll say "please!"
"Scary sand-witch no!!!"
You'll try to make her
Let you go
But she will not...
You can't defeat her...
You can't, unless you want to eat her!
What am I to do?
When all I can do
Is dream of ice cream!
The sweet tasty treat...
Chocolate fudge,
Peanut butter
SO yummy
Frozenly pleasing
My warm little tummy.
Is there any way
I could eat it all day?
Every day
Could I savor
Each and every flavor?
Oh yes indeed
I think I could do that
And I'd be so happy,
So happy and fat!
As I'm looking at the time,
I wonder where it goes
I turn on my music
And try to listen with my nose
I realize that everybody's
Staring at my toes
They're thinking things about me
Though nobody really knows...
That I went to bed too early
And woke up much too late
I had only a minute
To make myself look great
I ran and almost missed the bus
But did not have to wait
And I got to work on time
Now isn't that good news?
Even though i was so rushed
That I forgot to put on shoes!!!
Woops!
I just swallowed a watermelon gum
Which for me would be intentional
I'd rather dispose of it below my nose
Even though it is quite unconventional
But I just now for a moment forgot
That I wanted to chew it all day
Sucked a bubble to pop, then before I could stop
I by accident gulped it away...
Now its traveling down my esophagus
What a journey this chiclet will take
It will slither and slide all through my insides
And come out in the poop I will make!
I wrote this after work on Thursday after spending 8 hours looking at a computer...
Oh my word
My right eye
Just fell onto the floor!
Now my left one as well,
I can't see anymore!
This is
What happens
When you stare too long
So remember to blink
Or things could go wrong!
