Slobberific

Beads in my bed
And clothes on my floor
Boxes of garbage
Blocking up my door
Bowls of old food
Piled up on my dresser
Books off of shelves
I am sadly a messer

The messiest messer
The cluttery kind
All of my things
Take me so long to find

And it's not just my room
It spills into my car
The keys to which
I never know where they are

So chaotic you see
One might think I am crazy
But the mess, I confess
Is just cuz I'm so lazy :(

Raisin Hater

My sister is so strange
She likes the wines
That come from grapes
She likes the grapes
Straight from the vines
And she likes
Sunny days outside
But when the sun gets very hot
All of those grapeys get all dried
And there's a frown upon her face
Because there's raisins in the place
Of all the shiny yummy grapes
And she just hates
The way the raisins taste
The way they are not juicy
Or maybe its because
They're put inside those small red boxes
With the scary lady on them
Either way
It's safe to say
She's not a fan of raisins.

UPS man (in honor of Hunter)

dear sir
you are late
i do not
see you near
and you
have my bike
you have stole it
I fear
It is mine!
and i would
like to try
try to ride
try to glide
down the streets
very fast
with such pride
but you
stupid man
U Piece of Shit man
you are not
at my place
you will not
bring my bike
and for this
i dont like
your stupid mail face.

Carrots and Tofu and Llamas "oh my!"

(Dear readers...I know I wrote a poem already about coffee tasting like a horse...but this poem was inspired by a friend who sadly over-salted his vegetables and claimed they tasted like a petting zoo. So here is a poem in honor of his seasoning snafu.)

We like to cook our food
But cooking can be hard
We want to make it tasty
While avoiding too much lard

Measurements are tricky
"Is it a teaspoon, or a cup?"
So many things to think about
It's easy to screw up




You might burn the tofu
Which makes you want to curse
Or over-salt the vegetables
Which is by far the worst!

It makes them taste like llamas
And who wants to eat those?
Not a vegetarian
But then again, who knows?

Scary Sand-Witch!

Scary scary sand-witch
She is going to get you
She will rise up from her bed
Creep out
From in between the bread...
You'll smell her
Cuz her feet
Are made of deli meat,
That's strange indeed
But do not underestimate
Her speed
Don't think you can escape
Her pickled face
And lettuce hair
She will find you anywhere
And she will shoot
Tomatoes
From her nose
And ooze cheese
From her knees
And you'll say "please!"
"Scary sand-witch no!!!"
You'll try to make her
Let you go
But she will not...
You can't defeat her...
You can't, unless you want to eat her!

hi

Ice Cream Dreams

What am I to do?
When all I can do
Is dream of ice cream!
The sweet tasty treat...
Chocolate fudge,
Peanut butter
SO yummy
Frozenly pleasing
My warm little tummy.
Is there any way
I could eat it all day?
Every day
Could I savor
Each and every flavor?
Oh yes indeed
I think I could do that
And I'd be so happy,
So happy and fat!