Slobberific

Beads in my bed
And clothes on my floor
Boxes of garbage
Blocking up my door
Bowls of old food
Piled up on my dresser
Books off of shelves
I am sadly a messer

The messiest messer
The cluttery kind
All of my things
Take me so long to find

And it's not just my room
It spills into my car
The keys to which
I never know where they are

So chaotic you see
One might think I am crazy
But the mess, I confess
Is just cuz I'm so lazy :(

Raisin Hater

My sister is so strange
She likes the wines
That come from grapes
She likes the grapes
Straight from the vines
And she likes
Sunny days outside
But when the sun gets very hot
All of those grapeys get all dried
And there's a frown upon her face
Because there's raisins in the place
Of all the shiny yummy grapes
And she just hates
The way the raisins taste
The way they are not juicy
Or maybe its because
They're put inside those small red boxes
With the scary lady on them
Either way
It's safe to say
She's not a fan of raisins.

UPS man (in honor of Hunter)

dear sir
you are late
i do not
see you near
and you
have my bike
you have stole it
I fear
It is mine!
and i would
like to try
try to ride
try to glide
down the streets
very fast
with such pride
but you
stupid man
U Piece of Shit man
you are not
at my place
you will not
bring my bike
and for this
i dont like
your stupid mail face.

Carrots and Tofu and Llamas "oh my!"

(Dear readers...I know I wrote a poem already about coffee tasting like a horse...but this poem was inspired by a friend who sadly over-salted his vegetables and claimed they tasted like a petting zoo. So here is a poem in honor of his seasoning snafu.)

We like to cook our food
But cooking can be hard
We want to make it tasty
While avoiding too much lard

Measurements are tricky
"Is it a teaspoon, or a cup?"
So many things to think about
It's easy to screw up




You might burn the tofu
Which makes you want to curse
Or over-salt the vegetables
Which is by far the worst!

It makes them taste like llamas
And who wants to eat those?
Not a vegetarian
But then again, who knows?

Scary Sand-Witch!

Scary scary sand-witch
She is going to get you
She will rise up from her bed
Creep out
From in between the bread...
You'll smell her
Cuz her feet
Are made of deli meat,
That's strange indeed
But do not underestimate
Her speed
Don't think you can escape
Her pickled face
And lettuce hair
She will find you anywhere
And she will shoot
Tomatoes
From her nose
And ooze cheese
From her knees
And you'll say "please!"
"Scary sand-witch no!!!"
You'll try to make her
Let you go
But she will not...
You can't defeat her...
You can't, unless you want to eat her!

hi

Ice Cream Dreams

What am I to do?
When all I can do
Is dream of ice cream!
The sweet tasty treat...
Chocolate fudge,
Peanut butter
SO yummy
Frozenly pleasing
My warm little tummy.
Is there any way
I could eat it all day?
Every day
Could I savor
Each and every flavor?
Oh yes indeed
I think I could do that
And I'd be so happy,
So happy and fat!

Shoeless

As I'm looking at the time,
I wonder where it goes
I turn on my music
And try to listen with my nose
I realize that everybody's
Staring at my toes
They're thinking things about me
Though nobody really knows...

That I went to bed too early
And woke up much too late
I had only a minute
To make myself look great
I ran and almost missed the bus
But did not have to wait

And I got to work on time
Now isn't that good news?
Even though i was so rushed
That I forgot to put on shoes!!!

A Sticky Situation

Woops!
I just swallowed a watermelon gum
Which for me would be intentional
I'd rather dispose of it below my nose
Even though it is quite unconventional

But I just now for a moment forgot
That I wanted to chew it all day
Sucked a bubble to pop, then before I could stop
I by accident gulped it away...

Now its traveling down my esophagus
What a journey this chiclet will take
It will slither and slide all through my insides
And come out in the poop I will make!

Job Benefits

I wrote this after work on Thursday after spending 8 hours looking at a computer...

Oh my word
My right eye
Just fell onto the floor!
Now my left one as well,
I can't see anymore!

This is
What happens
When you stare too long
So remember to blink
Or things could go wrong!

Don't worry

Don't worry fellow followers (all 4 of you)...there will be more to come very soon...I have a lot of material already written as well as new stuff that has not been written yet. Ok then!

Inks, Oos, and Ooeys

Links and blinks
And winks and thinks
Pigs are pinks
And skunks make stinks
I am nice
And gum is chewy
Cats like mice
And slime is gooey
Ladeedadeedoodeedoo
AwooAwooAwoohoohoo.

Juiced Roots

Carrots
Beets
And celery
Make me feel
So hel-healthy
All three of these
I like to munch
I like the way they
C-c-crunch
But when they're
Blended in a cup
They make me want to
Throw-throw up.

Hay there, have some coffee

my coffee today
tastes like a horse
rather,
hay from a horse's stable
not that I'd know
but i think I am able
to say it tastes just
like a horse's hay smells
and it's making me feel
quite unwell.

First of all...let me just preface this by saying I have oodles and doodles of respect for troubled poets with large vocabularies who write poems with many hidden meanings, BUT that styzle has just never worked for me. Here I present to you my collection of poems, most of which rhyme and most of which are about silly things that I think about during the course of a day. I guess I just think in rhyme or something. So I hope I make you wiggle and giggle, chortle and snortle. Whatever it is you do just please enjoy these because they do mean a lot to me.

...and I'm sorry for all you punctuation freaks, but I don't know how to properly punctuate my poems, nor do I really care...